I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
