Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
