video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
