So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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