Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
