Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
