i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
