Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
