It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
