I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
