let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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