Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
