I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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