Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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