Umm I'm too high to move.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
