There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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