He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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