I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
