I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
