Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
