We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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