I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We're too hungover to prance.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
