Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
