Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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