Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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