What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
