that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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