I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
