5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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