it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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