Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
