this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
