At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
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