Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
