I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
