why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
