I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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