It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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