I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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