what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
