i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
