I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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