wanna go halves on a baby?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
