the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
