I'm going to jail i love you
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
