Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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