they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
