I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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