Life is so much better after having sex.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
