How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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