I can text with my tongue
im six kinds of drunk right now
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What drink are we having for lunch?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
