I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
