you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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