And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
