genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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